Something that never ceases to frustrate me is the occasional day or two (or weeks or months) when I've seem to have lost the fight and hunger to pull myself through the day. Exhaustion, routines and so forth will eventually wear you down. You're off your game for a couple days, and then you pull yourself out of it. Waiting around to shake it off is the hard part.
The past couple days for me have been off-days. Oddly enough, I've been off work, but for one reason or another I've been pretty out of it.
Yesterday, I was up before 7:30am (yes, that's sleeping in for me). I got to hang out with Robin before she went into work at noon. Now that I finally have health insurance, I went to meet my new doctor and get my sinus problems finally taken care of. Being in the extremely awkward/depressed stage this time last year because of my fucking job, my dumb ass opted out of getting medical insurance. To save myself $12 a paycheck. And, right on ironic time, I began having sinus problems two weeks after declining coverage. Its been quite a hell of a problem to deal with for the last year. I've got a sinus cat scan next week.
After the doctor's visit, traffic became a nightmare and the next thing I know I was screaming at the Oregonian drivers and punching my steering wheel. To exacerbate things, my visit to Lamb's immediately afterwards was a clusterfuck of people crowing the aisles with their shopping carts and little snot-nosed kids getting in my way. After checking out, I just wanted to get home and away from people.
Mix in all of this with the fact that EVERY SINGLE THING I ATE yesterday was either unbelievably crappy or gross. Not on purpose, mind you, but completely accidental. I ended up throwing a lot of food out yesterday, which is very uncharacteristic of me.
I felt really off balance. I wiled away the few hours waiting to see Robin, but neither books nor writing sounded like any fun. I sort of just existed for a couple hours until the two of us met Heather and Mike out for beers at The Clubhouse. That definitely lifted my mood for the evening. We sat around drinking beers for a couple hours, and then Robin and I went back to our place and stayed up late into the night talking and drinking and listening to music. Nights like that are always great, because we usually end up talking about stuff that's never been brought up before. Like porn. Or paintings.
The memory of retiring to bed is pretty hazy, but I knew at that point I was ready to start over.
I set my alarm to get up early this morning because I had to take my car in to get a new axle and/or CV boot installed. It was going to run me $200. A bit steep, but it needed to be done. After calling to check up on the status of the work being done, I was told that my front brakes were down to about 5% and that I needed new rotors to boot (no pun intended). Hesitantly I asked what that would cost, and I SWEAR the mechanic said "$201 for the axle and with the brakes and rotors $315". An extra hundred for new brakes and rotors PLUS labor? Sure, I said, go ahead and do it.
Finally, after waiting around my apartment for five hours, being lazy and awesome with Robin, I went back in to get my car. Turns out, it was an ADDITIONAL $300 to get the brakes done. My bill came out to be over $500. Fanfuckingtastic. Not much I could do at that point because the work was already done. I bit the bullet and paid the owner and left. Man, I can't wait for my tax return.
After that, today didn't really get much better. I did get a pretty awesome haul at Trader Joe's, but my obnoxious search for a black beanie was entirely fruitless. I was so glad to get home and away from people. I am very much looking forward to holing myself up and falling asleep on the futon. I'm typing now, after an awesome dinner of french onion soup and a mozzarella-jalapeno burger, ready for a couple beers and turning my brain off for the night while Robin's at work.
So, here's to new starts every morning. And, seriously, if someone knows where to find a black beanie, I need one.